Need a good laugh?

[litlover12]

Here are two:

"SlushPile Hell: One grumpy agent, a sea of query fails, and other publishing nonsense." Writhing websites! Deer agent! Books dictated by angels! Wearing chinos in the spirit world! It's a good thing I was alone in the house last night, because this site had me laughing like a crazy person.

"The Hater's Guide to the Williams-Sonoma Catalog." (Some profanity.) Acorn twine holders! Hungarian grain sacks! Seventy-two-dollar biscuits! White-trash-monk fruitcakes! It's a good thing I was alone in the house this morning, because . . . well, you know.

Comments

[asoulinbliss.livejournal.com]

Loved the W-S piece. I wonder about those things all the time, and it always seems that the food is the most outrageously priced. (Although to be fair, I've picked out REALLY good gifts from the Pottery Barn clearance section twice in my life. So I can't make fun of those stores too much!)

[mosinging1986.livejournal.com]

"Writhing websites" - HA!


"My procreated writing style will give the readers two great stories for the price of one."

Um, what?

Probably my favorite so far:

"Hello, I am A Christian woman that recently has been lead by the Lord to write books for little childrens and teensagers. I beleive these are blessings from above and I am convinced the Lord will will lead me to the write agent/pupblisher/illustrator."

"I’m no theologian, but I wonder if the Lord should first lead you to a dictionary."

And we wonder why the world hates us. *g*

*****


Are these real letters? I wouldn't be surprised. People are lunatics.

[agilebrit.livejournal.com]

I look at those, and look at the properly spelled and punctuated query letter I've sent out, and... you know. At least they're not rejecting me out of hand for my grammar.

Which begs the question of what they are rejecting me for, but oh well.

[mosinging1986.livejournal.com]

Oh, I know! It discourages me when I see the dreck that gets published, when I can think of 10 people off the top of my head who could do a better job.

If nothing else, at least you know it's not for your lack of quality. It seems it's often just a matter of timing, and that publishers want a certain type of book at certain times. It doesn't seem to have rhyme or reason to it. So don't give up!

[litlover12.livejournal.com]

Great icon. :-) Have I ever recommended Rachelle Gardner's website to you? I think I may have; I'm always recommending it to people. I don't know any site that has better advice for writers working on queries and trying to get in touch with agents.

[agilebrit.livejournal.com]

Eeheehee, thank you. The quote is from "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang," the best movie no one has ever seen and eminently quotable. It stars Robert Downey Jr, Val Kilmer, and Michelle Monaghan, and certainly earns its R rating, but I strongly recommend it if you're not easily offended. It's one of my favorite RDJ movies.

You haven't, but I just found it. And now I'm reading it instead of writing. *headdesk*

[litlover12.livejournal.com]

Well, it's very useful! :-) Or I find it so. Rachelle is very much the tough-as-nails, take-no-prisoners sort, but then it's a tough-as-nails, take-no-prisoners business. So I think her approach is probably spot-on!

I also know a good site where you can buy a proposal template. Should you ever need such a thing, let me know. It's by a friend of mine who's had several books (fiction and nonfiction) published. She knows her stuff.

[ever-maedhros.livejournal.com]

Are those actual query letters? If so . . . I suddenly feel a lot less afraid of the day I'll be sending queries myself. I nearly died laughing at some of those lines!

[litlover12.livejournal.com]

I believe they are! Scary, isn't it?

[ever-maedhros.livejournal.com]

It's very, very scary. But, I guess there is a bright side to it. The more terrible queries there are floating around, the better the chances are for the rest of us! ;)